Kitchener Waterloo Chamber eLearning Center

A Hooking Up Smart Success Story

by Paul Hatford

Reader Ana has suggested that it might be helpful to readers to hear some HUS success stories. Although I do share some success stories in the comment threads, she’s right that I haven’t specifically focused on them.

I think of myself as being in the business of solving problems strategically. I look for the reader’s pain and try to address it by providing information, effective tactics and support. But I am aware that a constant barrage of news about hacked cheaters, sexual assaults and sociopaths is not exactly uplifting.

So here’s one of the happy endings – it’s not at all unusual. (Some details changed to protect privacy.)

Part I

Susan,

I am currently re-reading some of your old posts and came across the tip “display enormous self-confidence.” Right now, that tactic has had a huge payoff for me. A girlfriend of mine wanted to set me up with someone (groan), however her taste was perfect. He was gorgeous. Charismatic. Kind. Smart. Girls throw themselves at him, supposedly.

I just played it cool and normal when we met at a party. I acted like he was any other person I wanted to get to know, but made a point to speak more often with him and add some flirtation/eye contact. At the end of the night, after it became clear we were both interested in each other, he asked for my number. “If you’re lucky,” I joked (to a guy I consider WAY out of my league).

It turns out he is so often asked out by girls, he struggled to ask me out (according to my friend who set us up), but I refused to accept anything other than a formal ask. He showed up to my door bearing champagne and romanced me all night!

On our date, he retorted back to me “If you’re lucky” as if he couldn’t get over that I had said it. The line had stuck with him. Fake it till you make it, indeed! He seems to be very into me — at least I hope so. Fingers crossed for LTP and thanks, as usual, for the quality advice!

Callie

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Part II

Susan,
 
Jon seems very genuine and like a good guy! The most important part! 
 
It’s going extremely well. He seems really into me even though I never would have thought a guy of his caliber would be. He’s like a big labrador retriever — boundless energy, enthusiasm, and kindness. It’s great.
 
We’ve only been on three dates but they have been very fun and intense. He has been a rockstar! Seriously, I might be put into a coma soon from all of the swooning.
 
All I know is I like him a lot and am visiting him this weekend. 
 
Your advice has certainly played a huge role in this going so well thus far. Thanks, Susan! 

Part III

Susan,
 
You asked to be kept in the loop: he’s officially my boyfriend (had a conversation 3 weeks ago). Hard to believe we’ve been dating almost 4 months. I’m very happy 😀
 
(Susan: That is excellent news! Congratulations! It sounds like when it was right it was easy – it always seems to happen that way!)

We’ve kept saying that to each other! “It is so easy being with you.”

(Susan: Wonderful – it warms my heart!)

 
This wasn’t Callie’s first dating adventure. Like anyone, she’s had her share of disappointments, and we’ve communicated about several different men.
 
It’s truly a joy to witness the easy happiness Callie is now experiencing. You can see her amazement at how free of drama and uncertainty the process has been.
 
When it’s right, it’s right – and easy. You’ll know! If this hasn’t happened for you yet, please take heart. Callie did a lot right to bring this about. First, here’s a list of things she mentioned:
  1. Callie and Jon took it slow physically, until the emotional intensity was firmly in place.
  2. Callie has gone on many, many dates, and credits this process for teaching her how to be resilient.
  3. Jon has some baggage about past relationships, but Callie accepted him “as is” – unconditionally. He has remarked on how important that was to him, and how rare.
  4. Callie describes Jon as someone who “plays for keeps.” He has had several long-term relationships of several years duration – no ‘casual player red flag’ here.

And some observations of my own:

  1. Callie brings a positive but mature attitude to dating. She’s a realist, and she’s honest with herself and with others.
  2. Callie has indeed shown resilience in our communications. She’s been equally appreciative of advice that wasn’t what she was hoping to hear.
  3. She assumes the best of guys, but watches their behavior carefully. If something feels off, she pays attention, and voices questions or doubts.

Notice that neither Callie nor Jon pretended indifference or attempted any kind of manipulation. It’s “what you see is what you get” dating. Honest, direct, uninhibited.

Of course there were moments of uncertainty – that’s an important part of the early stage of a relationship, and it builds anticipation. But they hung in there and focused on giving rather than taking. They’re in the process of building a rock solid foundation.

Do you have a success story you’d like to share? How did you get what you want? What made it different from past relationships? If HUS helped you, that’s great, but not necessary – let’s share what helps and what works!